A Bug's Life

Life seems to be changing so quickly lately. One minute I'm feeling strongly about something and the next I feel the exact opposite. I don't even know how to put it into words. Something is missing, I can tell - I just can't put my finger on it quite yet. Well no that isn't true, but this goes to show how drastic my feelings get. I was so sure about this, but now I'm not so sure it was a great idea. I don't expect anyone to know what I'm talking about, but I do in my head and I need to get it out on "paper". Not that anyone does read my blogs anyway. I feel like I need a big change in my life. I don't know why but university just keeps on looking better and better at this point. I want to get out in the world and meet new people, and start over (of course not forgetting the most important people in my life). But at the same time I'm afraid - afraid of losing everything I have. Every little connection - that person I see in the hallway and wave to - or that person that I talk to the odd time. I hate to think that because our relationship wasn't close enough, that it will all be lost. I don't know what to think anymore.
One thing that is looking up for me is my best friend Breanne coming to see me - for real - in person! For almost a week! I'm so excited. I haven't seen her in 9 years. And that is a long long time. Come to think of it, I think it's 10 years almost now. Right.. well thats all - but I'm really happy!.. for that anyway.

Man this is bad. I haven't written in such a long time. Funny that I'm writing on Valentines. Valentines day sucks. Especially when you don't have someone. But why am I complaining? I mean I don't exactly want one particular person. Not like the feeling is returned anyway. Oh well.. hey man if you're out there though. Speak today! It'd be good. Stupid Gigi and her anonomous valentines. I swear! And she complains about how beautiful I am. Well you dont see me waving one around do you? That just goes to show that finally amber doesn't know something and I'm right! Yeah I'm done. Things have been wierd lately, but that's ok. Change is good right? I've reunited with an old friend and it feels like nothing was ever missing. I guess that means that our friendship was meant to be. Gigi agrees. The thing is there is no tension, no awkwardness. Just understanding and forgiveness on both ends. Come to think of it, it really was no one's fault for what happens and so no one was to blame and that's why everything is ok again. I'm glad for that.